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My girlfriend has slept with over 30 guys
Sex & Intimacy / 3:27 PM - Friday April 25, 2008

my girlfriend has slept with over 30 guys

So I had a conversation with my girlfriend of two months about how many people we've slept with. I'm kind of regretting even having the conversation now. She told me she has slept with around 30 guys between the age of 20 and 24. She's 28 now and had a relationship for the past 4 years, so has slowed down and grown out of that lifestyle. I'm not one to judge someone by their past, butd does this seem excessive and would this make you feel uneasy? How would you react?

- Asked by Male, 22-25

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This is why it is said that you shouldn't discuss things like this. Any number into the double digits would make the average person uncomfortable, whether it was a phase for that person or not. What you feel isn't wrong, but now that you've talked about it, you have to choose whether it will make or break your opinion of her.

- Response by wudaddy, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Dallas, Law Enforcement

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buddy youre a dumbass for asking that. However for your question, no... that does not seem too excessive. You need to just realize that life existed before you, but now that you are here in her (she is in yours) life you just need to make the best of everything and love. Just forget about it!

- Response by brandon35, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Charlotte, Teaching

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It seems like a whole lot to me in 4 years, 48 months she had 30 guys. I just couldn't be with someone who has been with that many guys. I would most likely leave. I know alot of people on here dont think its anyone ones business but I feel I have the right to know.

- Response by tnix123, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Managerial

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think if it this way she was sleeping with all those guys and she gave all the up for you buddy. kind of flattering, when you consider it, its not about what people do before they meet you that should count,, its what she does while she with you that counts, since she has been with you she has calmed down, so apparently you are giving her something all those other guys didnt, cause you got her to sit still. congrats buddy you should toot your horn, you have earned it ....

- Response by mrsneaky74, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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I'm 42 and I've slept with 5 men.

(30 seems excessive to me)


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Sounds like alot to me. Damn, I'm 40 and she has me beat. I guess you shouldn't have that conversation if you're not ready for the answer. Sorry.


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No number other than 0 or 1 would have made you happy. Forget you had the convo and put it out of your mind. This is one question that should never be answered/


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For the life of me, I will never, ever, ever understand why people decide it is a good idea to disclose how many sexual partners they've had in the past. I have always subscribed to the don't ask, don't tell theory. It has yet to let me down. I know that the number of partners I've had may seem excessive to some, but it doesn't take away from the fact that when I am in a relationship I am 100% faithful.


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The only reason you care is because her number is higher than yours. If you'd been with 40 you wouldn't care about her number.

So, who gives a shit? You're right when you say you regret having that talk-people just shouldn't bother with it unless there is a history of cheating or STDs-otherwise, it's irrelevant and not important.


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And how many have you slept with????


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To be hoenst, yes a little. No one would be particularly happy with that information. But like you have said, she has grown out of that lifestyle. She is a different person now than she was before, and the main thing is that she was honest with you when you asked this question. If theres any way you can put this behind you, please do, and get to know her for the person she is now.

- Response by skittles27, A Player, Female, 29-35, Student

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you should send this text to your girlfriend "ALPHA KENNY BODY"

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55

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For me personally, that seems excessive. I'm older than her and have only been with a handful of men, but I don't judge others. It sounds like she is capable of committing, and that's what should matter.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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File this under...'If you can't handle it, don't ask!' Hey, I would just let it go. If you don't, you are NOT going to have a relationship. The past is the past..we all have one.


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Sounds like you opened up yourself a can of worms, no pun intended, but hey you asked. Lets say maybe for some reason she was not telling the truth and wanted to see your reaction, or maybe she thought you would be impressed and not feel uneasy.

Its hard to say, as "you asked" and for some reason most of us can't handle the truth, even when we ask for it. Just remember, most people have a past they want to forget, and not follow them like a shadow.

The bottom line is, its still early in the relationship, if you feel uneasy, bail out respectfully, but don't judge, you may have turned over a new leaf.

- Response by blessedladee, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Philadelphia, Administrative

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Well, as a rule, you probably shouldn't ask questions you don't want answers to. :) For that reason, I don't ask that question. I certainly ask about diseases/been checked recently...that stuff...but I stay away from the numbers game.

This is a tough one, everyone has their own ideal of what "too many" is and if you find out that your current boyfriend/girlfriend exceeds that limit what do you do? Well, you can't do much. It's done. I think you have to resolve if that's a deal breaker for you and you think it points to her faithfulness now? does it make you lose respect for her in some way? You gotta think through all that stuff and decide if you can stick around or if it's best to leave- because it's not fair to punish her for it if you can't trust her or no longer respect her.

How would I react? Well, the only men who have ever flat out asked me and offered the information up themselves were under 6 total, nothing to get worked up over. The others I knew were way, WAY higher than that and we never had the conversation because I don't want to know. As long as I trust him and know he's clean, I'm okay.

- Response by sm913, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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one can be safe and respect one's self and not have one night stands and still have that many partners in the course of 4 years. that's less than one partner a month, but, probably, it would be 3 or 4 partners till finding mister "right now", and 4 months later breaking up with him and going through three or four people again to find the next mr. right now.

such a lifestyle is nothing to be ashamed about, in my opinion.

and why are you uneasy? is she cheating on you? has she got an std? has she got no self respect?

does she love you? is she loyal? do you love her? those are the questions you should ask, not "has she had many partners".

- Response by js800, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Chicago, Student

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Not something I would have asked myself. My wife and I don't even discuss that subject. We realize that we both had separate lives and somethings don't need to be answered in my opinion. For the sake of discussion, we have said that we can count the number including each other on two hands. I was in a 7 year relationship before her. Quality not Quantity I say. I would be uncomfortable knowing her past and she would mine.

- Response by asudad, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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Against WHAT do you measure excessive? Do you use social norming or the pressure put on people to not engage in the kinds of sex they might like to? I've had well over 60 partners across my life time. I've never had an STD. I've been in monogamous relationships that have lasted 1, 2, 4, and 15 years. But here's the deal. My experience makes me loathe to put up with much bullshit from men. If I'm not getting my needs met, you aren't getting what you WANT from me....pure and simple. A man is not able to make me believe that bad or barely average sex is great sex because I know better. Over the top great sex doesn't always come in the form of a man suitable for a long term relationship. And my experience makes for unparalleled mastery in the bedroom that I only share after great discernment at this stage in my life. I may have alot of mileage on me but I'm a classic model most men would die to drive around the block.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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It's probably something you should not have brought up, but your gf revealed that she was quite a swinger during her younger years. But don't worry about it, at least your gf was honest with you. I dated a woman, who was a lot older than your gf, who told she had slept with "about 30 guys." It did not surprise me.


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Maybe you can be in a Valtrex commercial with her. Cross your fingers!

- Response by louie76, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Chicago

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u need to remember hun that the past is the past who she is and what she does now it what should be important, im sure shes larned from her experiences

- Response by peachyjules, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Administrative

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In all honesty, I wouldn't let it bother me because everyone has a 'life' before we meet them and sometimes during those times when we're 'living', we make mistakes and dumb choices...but the bottom line is that you said she 'has slowed down and grown out of that lifestyle' and that's what should be most important...when a person can change their lifestyles, it's a show that they have 'matured' and 'learned' from their her for who she is now because I bet she didn't love herself when she was out doing what she was doing...I went through a similar thing in my early adult years until my early 20s, but I changed and I'm sure she has too...:D


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I'd wear protection..... Always


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Did you ask for any reason other than that you wanted to compare notes? What does it matter?...I would only want to know if any of those 30 happened while she was supposed to be in a serious committed relationship with one of the other ones, which would speak to her character. Otherwise, I would not call that a 'lifestyle,' but a function of being single and having a healthy libido.

- Response by tomtomcat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

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