Worries in the bedroom

Worries in the bedroom (Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

Q: I am a 34-year-old woman who has been with her husband for 11 years. We have three children. I have always been working, and I have a stressful teaching job.

With all of these factors, I still have been able to have sex at the drop of a hat. Once my husband approached, which was every day, I was easily turned on.

Within the past year, I developed a medical problem. I was unable to have sex and was on medication. I am no longer on meds.

I have been given the all-clear to have sex, but I find it difficult to get turned on. This is frustrating because I still find my husband attractive, and I love him even more for being patient. Why can't I get turned on as before? What can I do?

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A: Since your medical problem prevented you from having sex, there may be a lingering psychological effect. Maybe you just have to start having sex without first feeling the desire and see what happens.

You also could ask your doctor how long the effects of the medication last. Perhaps even though you're not taking it, the effects have remained.

If your doctor says the meds can't be affecting you, I'd suggest that you two go on a short vacation where you can concentrate on each other, and see if that jump-starts your sex life.

If none of these ideas works, make an appointment to see a sex therapist.

Q: My husband and I have been together for several years. Sex has never been a problem. Now he seems to have little or no interest.

I go to bed alone 9 out of 10 times. We made love only three times in the past month. I would like to make love every day but would settle for every other. This has been torture for me.

He says, "I will come to bed in a minute," and ends up sleeping on the couch. I have found many messages with him sexting other women. He says he has never had sex with another woman outside of our marriage. I am having a hard time believing that. What should I door say to change this behavior?

A: Something is going on, though from my vantage point it's impossible to say what. The only advice I can give you is to go to a counselor. Possibly when your husband sees that you are going, he'll go too, and then you'll have a chance to figure out what is wrong and correct it, but I can't guarantee that that will happen.

All I can say is to not just sit idly by, hoping this situation will get better on its own, because my guess is that it won't.

Q: I am bisexual. Why is it that I can get an erection when I am with a man, but when I am with a woman, I cannot get an erection? I want her really badly, but it will not get erect.

A: I guess my question is, are you really bisexual?

Here's what I might advise you to try: Next time you're with a woman and you can't get an erection, which admittedly could be from nerves if it's happened before, try thinking about having sex with a man. If that allows you to have an erection, then perhaps you ought to consult with a psychologist who specializes in sexual identity. Perhaps you are not bisexual, but homosexual.

But it's also possible that you failed to have an erection with a woman one time, for whatever reason, and that worry keeps haunting you so you fail each time you try.

Seeing a professional counselor should help you to clarify matters.

Q: My husband and I have been together for five years. Every time we have sex we both feel as if his penis and my vagina are a perfect fit, and this lasts throughout the entire session until we both climax. It is unlike anything either of us had ever experienced. He's 41, I'm 38, and we both are experienced, so this is amazing for us!

We're curious: How is this possible, and how common is it?

A: A woman's vagina can accommodate pretty much any size penis, though if a man's penis is too big, it can be a problem. And since babies come through the vagina, it certainly proves there's some elasticity. So my guess is that this is more psychological than physical, and I've never heard anybody reporting this.

But if it's true, if he is a perfect fit and that gives both of you pleasure, that's great. Just continue enjoying the opportunity to have sex as often as possible.


Distributed by King Features Syndicate