

OK, my freshman roommate was a cool guy and all most of the time, but sometimes he would just act all pissy over stupid stuff, like the type of music I would play even with my headphones on. So one night, he went to the library to study (facebook) on the computers there and left his laptop in the room. However, it was unlocked and his facebook was still up and active, so I could see everything he was doing on it in his chats. First I just messed around, closing his chat boxes every time he opened one, stuff like that. Then I got bored and left a message in a chat box saying, by the patriot act, the federal government had seized all of his accounts, including facebook, under suspicions of terrorist activity, and authorities were on their way. He believed every word, got back to the room in under 3 minutes scared sh*tless, got two RAs in the building involved, who were also fooled, and started planning his new life as a fugitive. Just a bit of payback for his random freakouts.

Quinten M. from Bucknell University

I once walked in on a housemate, he had taken the handle bars off his exercise bike, so it would fit under his desk, so he could cycle, while playing World of Warcraft with the headset, next time I wont bother seeing what was so exhusting yet exciting.
Lisa Bee

I had a roommate who was generally a good guy, however him and his girlfriend were attached at the hip, and more conservative than just about any televangelist I can think of. They constantly belittled me for having the occasional lady friend over after a night of drinking and would be as loud as possible at about 8AM whenever they noticed I wasn't sleeping alone. My roommate was also extremely computer illiterate, and was very vocal about how against internet porn he was. When I was installing new antivirus software on his computer, I also installed a keytracker software, just to see what I could dig up. That kid looked at some the most DISGUSTING stuff on the internet. My day of retribution came when I printed off all of his internet activities and threatened to show them to his girlfriend. Lets just say he never woke me up early after a night of drinking after that one.
John Smith from MSU

I worked at a Christian Youth compound this summer for troubled youth. They have some hardcore Christian values, which is why I was very surprised when they hired me. I drink and smoke excessively, and absolutely hate the idea of organized religion. Anyway, I had to stay at the compound so I was given a bible thumper roommate. He would always tell me that he would pray for me when I would come back on Sunday's hung over. So, I made a log and put it under the seat of his truck. When he asked me about it, I told him it was the retarded kid that lived with the house parents in the upstairs addition. Actually jackass, it was me. Hope you had fun cleaning that smell out.
Jordan R. from University of Central Missouri

My boyfriend and I at the time were under the impression we were going to be together forever, and moved in right after high school. Under the advisement (and extreme foresight) of my parents, we decided to get a one year lease and re-new it at the end of the year. I was aware of that he drank and smoked a little weed, but after a few weeks I discovered exactly how much it consumed his life. Previously, he'd tell me stories about being sick and how he couldn't go to class or how he had to back out on plans with me because he was babysitting…instead being "sick" included getting high with some other girls and babysat them in bed. At that point, I had had it. You know how your weed just magically disappeared and when you could actually find your bud, it tasted a little funny? Well my mom lent me the dehydrator, and I pissed in every single bag.
Sydney B.

Dear Katie, Yeah, it's me. Due to the fact that you smell like ass, stay up all night, bone anything that moves, and eat all my food, I came to the decision to take action. I know you failed this class twice before and had to get personal permission from the dean to take it a "third and final time", and that you needed it to graduate. Well, I had an overstock of suran wrap sitting in the cupboard. I wrapped your car so many times, that even a box cutter was having trouble getting through it. I know you missed your final, and that your parents are upset with you, and that you probably lost your scholarships. Now ask me if I care.
Chris C.

In basic we had a guy in our bay that was awful. He thought he was the coolest thing to walk the earth but really just had man tits and a high pitched voice. He was unauthentic, obnoxious, and generally a waste of space. He would constantly fuck up and cause the rest of us to get smoked by the Drill Sergeants. After one fateful day when he decided to lay down on his bed in the middle of the day and take a nap while we were cleaning and refused to wake up when we attempted to force him to get his fat ass up the DS walked and smoked us again while he was made to lay on his bed and watch. That night we pissed in his boots just before he got up. He kept them right under his bed and put his foot straight in. The look of disgust was priceless. The biggest guy in our bay walked over to him, got in his face, and said "dont ever fuck with us again". He left the Army and went into the ministry.
S T from Ft Knox, KY

The first night I moved into my new place, I got drunk with one of my friends, and my roommate and his girlfriend. Well we all got pretty wasted and when we went to go smoke, the two of them went to bed. Later on in the night after everyone else left, I was sleeping on the couch downstairs because I had not moved my bed into the apartment. Well I heard my roommate's door open and shut, and his girl walks down the stairs completely naked. She was very drunk and possibly asleep, but I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, until she sat down on one of the stairs and peed. This was beer drinking pee, so there was a lot, the stain ran down two carpeted stairs. This chick was incredibly hot, and aside from her relieving herself, I didn't mind the show. Don't worry though, I won't tell anyone, except for all the people that read CH.
Sam P. from UNCC

Freshman year of college my roommate would get up early every morning, empty out the water from a pitcher that he had filled the night before, and then refill it and stare at it until he had to go to class. He was also OCD, especially about the pitcher, and he got really pissed if I touched it. Other than that, he was a nice guy, but during December he decided to have a seance in our room, and he lit at least a hundred candles. Long story short, he knocks a couple candles over and the rug catches fire. I see his (full) water pitcher on his desk, and use it to put out the fire. The next day, I came back from class to find that he had dropped out, and that under my pillow was a piece of paper that said "You're next, slayer of demons." Three months later, I was riding the subway and there's a skinny bald guy sitting next to me and he suddenly points to me and shouts to the whole car, "THIS IS THE SLAYER OF DEMONS!" Over and over and over. I called the police and haven'
Leon R.

I told my roommate that I posted one of his embarrassing drunken moments from freshmen year on Roommate Confessions. He now checks CollegeHumor religiously to see what I posted, and now has trouble sleeping at night, sorry bud.
Topher from Rowan

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