Kristin Cavallari’s Reponse To Us Weekly (Also: Why Do We Care About Post-Pregnancy Bodies, Anyway?)

I admit to never really seeing The Hills, so I had a difficult time caring about just who Kristin Cavallari was upon hearing about her baby. But after reading her response to Us Weekly‘s assertion about her post-pregnancy body, I think I actually like this seemingly generic reality (or whatever The Hills is) star.

Us Weekly decided to tell the world that Cavallari, who gave birth just a month ago, is already back to her pre-pregnancy weight. And considering not instantaneously losing weight after you’ve just spent nine exhausting months with a little person growing inside of you is a big middle finger to the world and deserving of public shaming, I imagine that Us Weekly assumed they were somehow doing Cavallari a favor. You know, “complimenting” her by…well, by not criticizing her the asshole way they do every other post-pregnancy star.

I also imagine they were not prepared for Cavallari’s irritated Twitter response:

Damn right, Cavvy (I’m pretending we’re friends now) — it is sending the wrong message to women. Granted, she does look great:

But regardless of how much weight she has or hasn’t lost, Us Weekly is still saying that after the aforementioned nine months involved in producing a human being, people have the right to judge you: if you’re in excellent shape, you’re a success. If not, you are an abysmal failure. How dare you offend us with your body that has just performed one of the most incredible things humans can possibly do? Into the stocks with you! Begone, wretched baby-spawning beast!

But seriously: why are we so obsessed with famous people’s pregnant bodies? Tabloids speculating on whether or not somebody might be pregnant is somewhat interesting (as a side note: if I were Kate Middleton, I would just drink pure vodka in public every few months, pretend it was water and see how many tabloids covers read: “MIDDLETON’S MAYBE PREGNANT MAYBE AGAIN”). Speculating on what the life of a celebrity kid is like? Sure! Sounds adorable. Maybe their teddybears all have diamond eyes, who knows? Speculating on why women haven’t lost weight 30 days after pushing a seven pound child through their vaginas after carrying her or him around for, oh, 38 weeks? No. Not interesting. Just really, really ridiculous.

You call it a "baby," I call it "cellulite that cries"

And yet it’s still expected…

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