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The Name Game

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
I was happy when dd came along, because it gave me something to call fil. When I first met him, I used his name, but three years living in the same house and hearing dh always say "dad" I started to say it, but then felt guilty cuz I dont call my stepdad dad, and he's been with my mom 16 years. I was grown when he came along, but still, he's been more of a parent to me than anyone else every has (besides my grandfather who passed away years ago). I called my exes parents mom and dad and it made my mother furious. For eleven years, even after the divorce I called them this but it bothers dh, since they ARENT my il's anymore. Sigh.

Anyway, fil is now "pawpaw"and thats fine, but heres the confusion:

When my first ds was born, my mom called my stepfather "grandpa Jeff" to him, to differientiate him from??? Dunno as I made the decision before conception that my biofather would never know my children (he sexually abused me and my sister). But later, my stepdad said he wished we never added his name to the end so I tried to just call him grandpa. Then my stepsister and stepbrother had kids, and my stepdad is "pawpaw" to them. My ds calls my exfil "pawpaw" as well. Thats a lot of pawpaws running around. To differentiate, fil calls stepdad "pawpaw Jeff" to the kids, which I know he doesnt like. My mom says "papaw" for both, which is close.

ds1 alternately calls fil pawpaw and by his name, remember he has a pawpaw, but he calls stepdad grandpa, though all other grandkids are told pawpaw.

Then theres my mom, whom has always been "grammy" but fil says "grandma" so dd says "grandma" though all other grandkids say "grammy".

Ack! Im afraid my kids wont know who to call what or who anyone is talking about!! How do you handle this?

Oh, just to add to the confusion, I have a sister and a stepsister named Amy/Amie (same pronounciation). I cant even say "aunt amy" kids still say "which one"? So its "Astins mom" and "claytons mom". And of course everyone assumes dh is ds's father and ds has gotten tired of correcting people so he lets it stand, but that bugs my ex. Oh God, once ds called his dad by dh's name and his dad when ballistic. It was an honest mistake, like when he's at school all day then comes home and calls me by his teachers name, no big deal really.

Anyway, we have quite an extended blended family. Add to that dh's cousin who lives with us and I always want to call him a nephew or even ds. At least we all know who we are! (I think)
post #2 of 4
How confusing!!

We only have two little 'issues', but have managed to get around them so far.

My daughter calls her grandmother 'Grammy', and my step-son calls his grandmother 'Grammy', so when we came together as a family, it was quite confusing for my daughter. Cause 'her' Grammy lives 3000 miles away now, so she doesn't get to see her, so when you say Grammy, it confuses her for a minute. So now, she calls SO's mother, 'Grammy Debie'... It works, and everyone seems okay with it

The other thing, isn't really in our little family... My step-son is Andrew, his biomother's boyfriend has a son named Andrew too..lol So his someday-step-brother, has the same name as him. Also, the biomom and boyfriend have a baby together, who has two brothers named Andrew...lol Poor kid..lol

Otherwise, no real issues for us
post #3 of 4
Hmm. I think when there are steps involved we get tense over these issues, but really, they exist in intact families too and there it isn't really a big deal. For example, I call my mom "mom" and dh calls his mom " mom" and ds calls me "mom" but nobody is confused or anything, kwim? We try to just laugh about it and keep it light like its no big deal when I say "grandma's coming over" and dss says "which grandma?" there are tons of grandmas!
We call all grandmas (step and "real") grandma+first name when we talk about them when they aren't here, but usually just call them "grandma" when they are here. My dad likes to be called Papa, so he is, all the other grandpas (steps and bio) are grandpa+ first name. You have to distinguish in someway right? Even in intact familes there is more than one grandma so you have to have some other way of identifing them.
post #4 of 4
Growing up I had "Grandma B. and Grandpa B."(Dad's parents) "Grandma and Grandpa"(mom's parents) "Pat & Jim" (stepmom's parents, now deceased).

My kids all have "Nonna" (my mom) and "Grandpa with a ponytail :LOL" (my dad)
My son also has "Grandma Pam" and "Grandpa Mark" (his dad's mom and dad) "Great Grandma and Grandpa B______" "Great Grandma M______" "Gee-ma"(my ex's great-grandmother !) and "Mark and Rosie" (ex's wife's parents)

DSD has "Grandma at the beach" (dh's mom - ds calls her Grandma Joyce) "Grandma upstairs" (her mom's mom) Papa (her mom's stepdad) "Grandma downstairs (her mom's grandma - they live in a duplex)
But everyone keeps track somehow :LOL
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