<p>I'm a simple soul with simple needs, and I'm trying to configure a form.  I detest forms.</p>

<p>It needs to have JavaScript to transfer the data, it needs to send an e-mail with the data to an e-mail address, and it needs to redirect visitors to a pdf.  CGI has always been confusing to me, and I don't know much JavaScript.</p>

<p>I've already done the html, but the post action and the JavaScript is killing me.  It's been 4 hours of searching.  Stick a fork in me.  I'm done.</p>

OK, first thing's first, we need to clarify you're wording.  JavaScript and Java are two significantly different languages.
In order to send mail, you need to use whichever language you're using in conjunction with an SMTP server, which is what would have to be what actually sends the e-mail, not JavaScript which is client-side.
An example of using JavaScript to post to an SMTP server can be found here (though I wouldn't recommend this method as ActiveX is IE exclusive):
http://www.ostrosoft.com/smtp_component/smtp_javascript.asp
Ultimately with JavaScript, the best method you'd use would just be posting to a non-SMTP server that then sends the data to the SMTP server.
If you're actually using Java, there's an optional library you can add called JavaMail to make it much easier to send mail, though again, you need to communicate with an SMTP server.
An example of JavaMail can be found here:
http://www.javapractices.com/topic/TopicAction.do?Id=144